I do not like to be scared......which is probably why I do not like Halloween. I need to see people's faces. I don't like the whole mask thing. I am not a big fan of random people ringing my doorbell and expecting me to actually answer. I have never wanted to haul my own family around to stranger's homes. When my kids were little we would literally get them all dressed up and take them to the four houses in our culdesac and then we were done! Fortunately for me, my terrified genes passed right along to them and they were ready to get back to the safety of our own living room too.
But in trying to keep with the spirit of the season I thought I would tell you about a day that I was scared crazy.....or crazier.....whatever, it was frightening.
It all began on one Saturday morning. It was in the spring. It was just after Easter. I remember this because I was putting away the Easter decorations. In true "can't miss a sale" fashion, I had gone to Hobby Lobby a few days before and bought some grass for the baskets and a couple of other things to have for the next year. I had also bought myself a brand new storage tote to pack away all my Easter stuff. I left all of this in the garage when I purchased it. So here I am up and at it on Saturday. I head out to the garage to get my new storage tote. I stand in the garage and unload the other items I had purchased the same day so I could bring in my empty tote and prepare it to be packed away in the attic.
I pack everything in the bin, do some laundry, dust a few surfaces, grab the kitchen trash to drop in the can outside and a letter to go in the mailbox. I head back to the garage, but this time I let up the garage door. I drop the trash in the bin and go put the letter in the box. I come back in, close the garage and do a few more chores. I tell my husband the tote is all ready to go to the attic.......but wait, it doesn't have a label. I go back into the garage to get a label.......and there........right as I open the door........on my monogrammed rug......is a POSSUM!!!!!! I am perfectly fine if you feel the need to be proper and call it an OPOSSUM. But when you see that little ugly critter 6 inches away from your foot, trust me you call it a Possum and a few other choice words.
Go ahead.....look at this thing
and be as proper as you can. I literally just died a little copying and pasting that. I couldn't even ctrl C on the picture that had the tail in it. The tail just completely takes me out. This really is Halloween.
I screamed. It screamed. I slammed the door and ran back inside. I lost both of my shoes in the process. I am running down the hall and my husband starts running AWAY from me......like in the other direction. When I finally catch up to him I scream "There is a possum in the garage!" He laughs........I will get back to that mistake in just a minute. Both of my kids have locked themselves in the office. I cook for these people and no one is coming to my aid.......until I hear my mother calling my name in a soothing tone and saying "where are you?, are you ok?, did you see a mouse?" I yell back "No it's a POSSUM!" and as any good mother would do, she turns and high tails it downstairs, far away from me and my critter crisis.
So my husband is very slowly getting dressed and giggling. I know the garage is closed. I know the critter is not going anywhere but it still feels like an appropriate time for speed. I decide right then that as soon as I can figure out how to get my car out of the garage, I am going to see a lawyer.
He finally heads out to the garage with a tennis racket and a baseball bat. My children have come to their senses. They realize I am about to sell this house and they are going to have to pack all their belongings and move. So now they have become helpful and gotten him weapons.
My cousin comes from down the street and assists my husband in catching the thing in a box, which they put into the back of his truck. He supposedly drives it off to some undisclosed location and releases it. The location is undisclosed because he knows that I know he was not gone long enough for me to feel the wretched creature is far enough away from me.
I didn't go see a lawyer after all.......you know the whole vows thing finally changed my mind.
Here's the thing. I went into the garage with the doors closed three times that morning which means me and the possum were closed in together. Y'all if he had been in my storage tote or popped his head out at any other time, this story may have ended very differently.
I am certain I will be having some routine medical work done in 10 years and the doctor will say it looks like you may have had a heart attack in the past.....to which I will reply, yes, it was April 20, 2013.....the day of the POSSUM!
And that is my true, scary story for your Halloween. Feel free to tell it around a campfire or at Target.
Enjoy your Halloween.....I will be on the couch under a throw.
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