Where is the line?

Yes, this is about the tension that is prevalent across our nation.

Wait, before you stop reading......

Wait!

If your first thought was, I don't feel like this.  I just don't want to hear anymore.  I just don't want to deal with it anymore.....you may have just gotten your first real feeling of what it is like for so many minorities every single day.

So many who are just tired......tired of being afraid, tired of being worried, tired of being careful.....so very tired.

I just want to say one thing about all of this.  What is going on in a person's head that they would ever behave so horrifically in the light of day in the public eye? Without saying this behavior publicly or privately is unacceptable, but when you know full well eyes are on you and you don't STOP????

I have never been one to watch a video of people fighting.  If the newscaster warns that "the following may be disturbing for some of our viewers" that is my cue to look away.  I never want to see anyone hurt.  I don't even like violent television shows or fight movies.  I just don't.  But I have not been able to avoid the recent videos.  None of us have.

So beyond the horror, the shock, the completely unimaginable tragedy that has played out on my tv, here is the thing that just struck me and I can't shake.........while a human being is under the pressure of your knee being killed, you slip your hands into your pockets......as if this is the most casual of circumstances....as if you are just hanging out with your friends on the street corner.... as if you are just chatting about the weather or what movie you should see......you just casually slip your hands into your pockets.

And it has had me asking

What has gone on in your life that leads you to be so okay with behaving so unbelievably badly in public? I think we can all attest that we have never seen a person who felt threatened assume the defensive position of sliding their hands in their pockets.  I think we can all agree in chaos and physically high stress situations, we don't normally relax and slide our hands into our pockets. What has gone on that you can take the life of another human with your hands in your pockets?

And here is what I think

when we share a meal with those who are using racially offensive language and we just laugh it off, we have given an okay that this is permissible behavior

when we nervously laugh at things during a party and then go home and talk privately about the offensive nature of the behavior, we have signaled the behavior is not that bad

when people are given ill-deserved pats on the back in hallways, locker rooms, board rooms or wherever, they have just been encouraged to continue such behavior

when we look the other way and don't call inappropriate, offensive, hate-filled, shameful behavior and conversation what it is, we have just given a boost of confidence for it to be done again

when we excuse people's ways by saying "that's just who they are" or " you know how he is", we just indicated that we will accept what they are dishing out

At some point, we have to stop building up people's confidence and call them out.

At some point, we have to stop strengthening poor behavior and demand better.

At some point, we have to be clear that there are consequences to bad behavior and words.

At some point, we have to be willing to look that childhood friend, that family member, that co-worker, that shop owner, that church member, that neighbor, that teammate, that fraternity brother, that super fun person who invites us over to their big gatherings where everyone wants to be.....right in the face and say....ENOUGH.....you've crossed the line....that is not appropriate, not funny, not tolerable. We absolutely have to.

I hope we are at that point now.

Please understand, I know every person is responsible for their own actions.  But the line needs to be clear and people should not feel comfortable crossing it in your presence.  People should not be casually sliding their hands in their pockets while crossing the line in your presence.

I am reminded now of the parents who volunteered at our high school to re-line the baseball and football fields.  Every week they gathered and put those precise lines back in place.  They had to because the lines faded, the lines were blurred as they were crossed by players over and over again.  Unfortunately, the lines of behavior have been crossed so much they too are faded, they too are blurred.  It is time for each of us to show up and put those clear, precise lines back in place.

It is time for us to all be really clear about where the line is.

Make it a great week.  See you back on Wednesday.